Tag Archive: jess dominos

Every Vote Counts

I’m a huge fan of Oklahoma football and the Denver Broncos, so you might guess that I have a lot of thoughts on both, including Tim Tebow and how after crushing OU’s national title hopes a few years ago, he has won my affection in Denver. However, I thought I would wait until after the Broncos play the Steelers this Sunday to share those thoughts. So in lieu of a long and boring post about football, I decided to hold you over with a quick poll. I got a lot of feedback on my post about the Eighth Wonder of the World, Jess the Gender-Ambiguous Domino’s Employee. And by a lot of feedback, I mean my mom told me multiple times that she liked it. I also just found out that you can create a poll in these posts. So, I decided to test my polling skills by asking anyone who has seen the Domino’s commercial with Jess what they initially thought Jess’s gender was before they finished my thoroughly scientific breakdown of his/her gender status. Feel free to vote, but this isn’t a Chicago election, so please only vote once. We wouldn’t want the results getting distorted, although that would be kind of fitting given the polling subject.


Could Jess Be Any More Ambiguous?

Well, I decided to start blogging. If you are going to be reading this blog regularly, there’s a high chance you are either a) my mother or b) masochistic. I’m not sure how often I’ll update this, but at least if I get bored it won’t end up decomposing underneath my bed like my last attempt at a journal. Anyways, with my inaugural post, I would like to begin by asking the age old question: Why do parents give their children unisex names? My television viewing experience is pretty much limited to 24/7 ESPN, so I’m not sure if this is the case on other networks, but there is a Domino’s Pizza commercial airing right now that plays all the time. Like, all the time.

In this commercial, we’re introduced to Jess, a Domino’s employee who is super excited about pizza. The enthusiasm isn’t the problem. I actually like Domino’s. The problem is that in addition to their new feedback system, Domino’s also unveiled their new male/female hybrid employees. I could not tell for the life of me if Jess was a male or female. I’ve seen this commercial dozens of times, and every time it came on I tried to look for any subtle clues that would point me to Jess’s gender. Like any other problem, I decided to tackle this dilemma the best way I could. I analyzed the different parts of Jess’s appearance and demeanor and assigned male or female points for each. Let’s break this down:

1) The name is about as unisex as it gets. Sam, Alex and Sidney could conceivably be worse, but the name Jess isn’t exactly a neon sign proclaiming gender one way or another. My first impression was Jess is a girl’s name. 2 Girl points.

2) The hairstyle leaves a lot to be desired. Jess has his/her hair spiked on top, with the hat resting on the hair almost in a cocky way. The rest of the hair is short and relatively trim. The hairstyle is decidedly “butch”, but in its essence gives off a male vibe. Which was the point either way, I guess. 3 Guy points.

3) The voice sounds like a female. Slightly gruff, but female nonetheless. It could pass for a prepubescent boy, but other than the hairstyle, Jess looks to have grown out of that phase. 4 Girl points.

4) However, as one of my friends pointed out, if you watch the commercial on mute, Jess is a guy. 5 Guy points.

5) Besides Jess, the commercial features Jose, the store manager. It would seem overkill to have two dudes so excited about pizza working in the same store, so I assume Dominos wants to get out the message that pizza is for girls too. 2 Girl points.

All in all, Jess has earned 8 Guy points and 8 Girl points, meaning we’re no closer to learning the truth than we were before. Lucky for you, I know how to use Google. It turns out Jess has a facebook fan page celebrating Jess’s inclusion in a Domino’s commercial as a landmark achievement for…lesbians. Yes, Jess is female. See, I wasn’t surprised to find out that Jess was a homosexual, I just wanted to know what side of the fence Jess was doubling down on. I also wanted to throw some kudos out to Domino’s for raising awareness of this unisex naming problem. I’m sure there’s a facebook page somewhere for that.